Slow down, you crazy child!

有時候，認清自己的能力是一件好事，只是那個「彈指的瞬間」究竟來得早或晚──因為我們不可能每一個目標都達到、每一個想要的東西都可以順利到手，所以如果人們知道自己的極限在哪裡，或許就不會有太多的失落和傷心，那就好像小時候面對那些恐怖的數學題目一樣，橫豎反正解不開，那何不兩手一攤，然後耍賴地說：我就是沒辦法呀，不然要怎麼樣？

會有這樣的感觸，其實不僅是最近那些發生在我身上的事情，它的導火線應該是前兩天我看了最新一集的《SMASH》，當年輕有才氣的 Kyle 在夜晚被迎面而來的車子給撞上，然後死去之後所造成的效應。

因為在印象中，死亡帶來的力量是一種強大的漣漪，好比在數百公里外的湖面上投擲了一個小石塊，結果它的波紋卻傳到了好遠好遠的彼岸，遲遲未散。

我從來沒有想過，一個影集竟然可以帶給人這麼多的感觸，可能是因為裡面的好多好多情節，都和自己以前身處的環境息息相關，那些密集的排練、因為排練過程而產生的種種快樂與痛苦，更重要的是，那些人總是緊密地牽連在一起，就算當下我們並沒有在同一個劇組當中，但難保下一次不會互相遭遇。

那集《SMASH》裡頭有一首歌，是 Billy Joel 原唱的〈Vienna〉，它被安排在 Tom 試著告訴 Kyle 一些事情的情節當中，那場景仿若是一種傳承、一種亦師亦情人的關係，而當Tom坐上鋼琴前面，緩緩地對著Kyle唱出這首歌時，那些歌詞彷彿變成了一段又一段的話語，也傳到了觀眾的耳朵裡頭：

Slow down, you crazy childyou're so ambitious for a juvenileBut then if you're so smart, tell meWhy are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?You'd better cool it off before you burn it outYou've got so much to do andOnly so many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told..That you can get what you want or you can just get oldYou're gonna kick off before you evenGet halfway throughWhen will you realize, Vienna waits for you?
Slow down, you're doing fineYou can't be everything you want to beBefore your timeAlthough it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Tonight,...Too bad but it's the life you leadyou're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you needThough you can see when you're wrong, you knowYou can't always see when you're right. you're right
You've got your passion, you've got your pridebut don't you know that only fools are satisfied?Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come trueWhen will you realize, Vienna waits for you?
Slow down, you crazy childand take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhileit's all right, you can afford to lose a day or twoWhen will you realize,..Vienna waits for you?And you know that when the truth is toldthat you can get what you want or you can just get oldYou're gonna kick off before you even get halfway throughWhy don't you realize,. Vienna waits for youWhen will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Billy Joel 略帶滄桑的歌聲，在憂傷的曲調中成了一種更為強韌的傾訴，好像他歌詞當中的那個聆聽者，早已不僅是傳達給他所想要傳達的那個人，更是讓每個聽到他聲音的聽眾，都開始思考詞曲中的意義。

於是，我開始想，究竟何時我才會真正明瞭，生命中的很多東西其實並不是自己所能控制？就算拼得頭破血流、挑燈夜戰了好幾個夜晚，那中間的過程還是有太多的變數，只要其中的一個數字誤差了0.0001，我們便會被完全地刷了下來，一點機會都不剩。

(未完)